A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse  vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked
and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird asked very softly, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
 

no, not the Republicans, the Democrats...

No jobs.

No prosperity.

No transparency.

No liberty.

No security.

No common sense.

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell.
While there, they notice a red phone and ask what it is for. The
devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.
 
Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is
finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so
Putin writes him a check.
 
Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes.  When she
is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so
she writes him a check.
 
Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours.  When he is
finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.
 
When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush
got to call the USA so cheaply.
 
The devil smiles and replies, "Since Obama took over, the country has

gone to hell, so it's a local call.

An Old Priest's Dying Wish

Soon the word arrived; Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi  would be delighted to visit the  priest.
 
As they went to the hospital, Reid commented to  Pelosi, 

"I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but  it will certainly Help our images and might even get  me re-elected."  Pelosi agreed that it was a good thing. 

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Reid's hand in his right hand and Pelosi's hand in his left.
 
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's  face.  

Finally Nancy Pelosi spoke. 

"Father, of all the people you could have chosen,  why did you choose us to be with you as you near the  end?"
 
The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to  pattern my life after Our Lord and Saviour Jesus  Christ."
 
"Amen", said Reid. 

"Amen", said Pelosi.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying  thieves; I would like to do the  same."

 Rep Hank Johnson is afraid of Guam capsizing

 In conformity with the bill, the definition of the term “smoking process” would be expanded to cover the usage of e-cigs. Smoking would be defined as any process of inhaling tobacco and exhaling smoke, or any other substance or vapor that can be inhaled and exhaled.

 You mean like the air we breathe?

"Et tu, brute? Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow"

Julius Ceasar - March 15th 44BC

The deals are non stop,
they are going fast,
and there is no sign of it slowing down!

We need to do something about responsibility.

“Remember when Ronald Regan was president, we also had Bob Hope and Johnny Cash still with us….Now we have Obama, no hope and no cash.”

Seriously...

"Emily Chan, a Beijing-based correspondent for the US television network, said in a blog post on CNN.com that she hunted down the shirt after hearing they had been banned amid fears they "may offend the American president.""

Which part of the shirt did the Chinese think would offend Obama, the  picture of Obama as Mao, of which people in Obama's inner circle idolize, of the saying in Chinese under the image that says "Serve the People"?

If you receive an email from

the Department of Health

telling you not to eat  canned pork

because of swine flu.

Ignore it.

It's just  SPAM!

If they get to mention Camelot, we get to mention the Lady in the Lake.
 

I mean with all the safety regulations and such... I mean, not wearing helmets, what were they thinking?

 I see nothing there to apologize for...

 Today woot.com had a sale on Weather Channel emergency weather radios, they sold out by noon. what is amusing is who purchased these gizmos.

Below is a map of which states purchased the most of them, the brighter the green the more sales...

Sad thing is, this plan would work probably better than anything coming out of DC

----------------------------

US Treasury Department
Good day to you, I am Timothy Geithner, Secretary of the United States National Treasury.  President Barack Obama nominated me to be the 75th Secretary of the Treasury on January 20, 2009.The United States Senate unanimously confirmed me to the position on January 26, 2009 and I was sworn into office on January 26, 2009 by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts.As Treasury Secretary, I am the President's leading policy advisor on a broad range of domestic and international economic issues.
 
Before coming to Treasury, I was 9th president of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York. In that role i also serves as Vice Chairman of the Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC).After completing my  studies, I worked for Kissinger and Associates in Washington, D.C., for three years and then joined the International Affairs division of the U.S. Treasury Department in 1988.and i went on to serve as an attache at the US Embassy in Tokyo.I was deputy assistant secretary for international monetary and financial policy (1995– 1996), senior deputy assistant secretary for international affairs (1996- 1997), assistant secretary for international affairs (1997–1998. And i  was Under Secretary of the Treasury for International Affairs (1998–2001) under Treasury Secretaries Robert Rubin and Lawrence Summers.
 
The United Nations has given me an Instruction also with the World Bank to wire a sum of $1m into your Bank Account in a Legal way that is why I have contacted you the United States Department of Justice, The Attorney Peter Keisler will get some documents for you so that this Transaction can be completed without delay.
the following documents needed are as follows.

1: United Nations Stop Order Document
2: World Bank Clearance Certificate
3: President's Approval Letter
4: Proof of Ownership Certificate.
 
These four documents are needed before I can proceed with the transfer into your bank account in the meantime; I want you to confirm the following details to me.
 
Legal First and Last Name
:Complete Residential Address & Age
Direct Telephone No & Fax
Legal Occupation and Position
Address of Occupation
 
Please get back to me as soon as possible so we can be done as soon as possible, the President of the United States ( President Barack Obama) visited Nashville yesterday so I wasn’t able to get his Approval Certificate from his office. so try and reach me back via my Personal Email and Note that you can reach me faster via my personal email.

Thanks and God Bless you
 
Mr.Timothy Geithner.
Executive Secretary United States Treasury Department Main Treasury 1500 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW Washington, D.C. 20220
 
You may send U.S. mail toUS Treasury Department.
1500 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20220 Office
Fax: (202) 622-6415

Just havent felt the desire to blog about anything currently... so in the meantime, I give you this:

he needs some eggs to go with his coffee...

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion USD. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gramm, lobbyist for UBS, who (God willing) will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a former U.S. congressional leader and the architect of the PALIN / McCain Financial Doctrine, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. As such, you can be assured that this transaction is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully,
Paulson
Minister of Treasury 

With the recent news story about News Channel 8's anchor, Jerry Giordano. I thought it would be a nice gesture to update their web banner for their news site...

by my fellow bloggers...

The fool says in  his heart, there is no God. - Psalm 14:1

'Dear Lord:

Thank you for bringing me to Timmy's house

and not to Michael Vick's

-AMEN!'

From ChuckNorrisFacts.com

Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.

and if a picture is worth 1000 words, what is a video worth?
The Nation's flags come crashing down as presidential candidate Hillary Clinton heads off stage.

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- Six people were shot Tuesday in a neighborhood near downtown Jacksonville, police said.

Jakconsille Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Melissa Bujeda said all have non-life threatening injuries.

It also was not known whether the gunman was at large or among the dead.

 It's hard to argue with the facts:

It all makes sense now, with Edwards, Obama and now Hillary dropping out of the Presidential debate put on by FOX and the Congressional Black Caucus.

I mean seriously, these guys are making the French look brave... they will run from anything!

Yeah, I figure I might as well jump on the bandwagon...

Im the Father of Anna Nichol Smith's child...

In memory of Late President Gerald Ford. a SNL skit announcing his death

You have to ask yourself... ummm... why?

Which of the following real 2007 calendars sounds to you, on the basis of its title, as likely to be the "LEAST erotic" calendar of 2007?

                Grain Elevators Of Saskatchewan

                Bridge Un-building With Heavy Equipment

                Colorado Mountain Goats

                Insects Of Virginia

                N-Scale Model Railroad Pictures

                Busses From Malta

                Zip Code Calendar Of American Post Offices

                Sheds, New York 1800-Present

                Grain Elevators Of Manitoba

http://poynter.org/forum/view_post.asp?id=12090

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken
4. They don 't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt.
   

(For Tulsa Public School graduates, the picture is of North and South Korea.)

National comic (The Quigmans), but oh, so appropriate

Kinda makes you wonder don't it?

from the Tulsa World Candidates page...

David Patrick (District 3):

Priorities

2. Continued deterioration of residential and arterial streets throughout the district.

David, we don't need your help for continued deterioration, we need you  to stop it...

Im not sure if I should post this under Politics or Funny stuff!

There is this house I drive by on a daily basis. Before Jennie Cue filed, there was a Cue sign in their front yard, after she decided not to run, a Rick Westcott sign went up (which made sense, thanks to the endorsement by Cue)

here's where it gets weird...

First there were Randi Miller signs in the yard (again, makes sense because Miller is Cue's sister) then the Miller signs came down and a Medlock sign went up, then the Miller signs came back out in conjunction with the Medlock signs, then they all came down and LaFortune signs went up, now they are back to just Miller signs. this has all happened in the last month or so...

I cant wait to see who they will endorse next week!

In reference to the previous post, I raised a concern about the alleged upsidedown cross around Kathy Tayors neck, and my concerns were eliminated by a little investigation and comments by others, however I hate to say this but BOTH photos were photoshopped, the one with the upside down cross was a photoshop correction of this original unedited photo!

(NOTICE: this is what is called a parody, laugh, ok?)

Last night about 8:00 our doorbell rang. and a young fella was trying to get people to subscribe to the Whirled so he could earn some money for school.

Here is the exchange between my wife and the young man:
"Would you like to subscribe to the Tulsa World (Insert schpeal about school funding)"
"We refuse to take the Whirled!"
"Because it's to liberal?"
(I wonder how many times he heard that last night?)

This morning we had 6 Whirled newspapers sitting on our front porch.

From a Taco Bell "Hot Sauce" packet...

Nice palm, I read a great deal of pleasure in your future...

ummm... I got nuttin'...

Headline from the Drudge Report:

"Senate Democrats intend to zero in on Alito’s alleged membership to an organization, a witness will claim, that was sexist, racist and out-of-the-mainstream on a variety of issues"

The first thing that came to mind? When was he was a Democrat?

Nancy Luft is back... if you dont know who she is, maybe its time for you to sit back and enjoy a good laugh...

 from an unknown source, though I would LOVE to take credit for it

Zombie Peer Pressure

Barely Offers Krap?

Something I recieved in the mail today...

The hurricane only hit black families' property.

New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane.

Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down.
 
New Orleans has no white people.
 
The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident.
 
When you are hungry after a hurricane, steal a big screen TV.

...and come out with your hands up!

 While driving on our turnpikes one will see the following sign:

Failure to pay fine
Strictly enforced

What does that mean?!?

Sorry for stealing your headline  MeeCiteeWurkor... but... Bin Bacon!

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Hang on to any of the new State of Oklahoma quarters.
If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U. S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Oklahoma quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state.

"We are recalling all the new Oklahoma quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday. This action is being
taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, tollbooths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices.

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the U. S. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Oklahoma quarter, which was created by an OU graduate, Shackleford said.

"Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

Update: speaking of Quarter Designs, here is one that is proposed for Oklahoma...

Russia’s Biggest Spammer Brutally Murdered in Apartment

So someone did what millions of people would like to do… I cant help but smile

The smoking gun has an article about a Washington county resident who gave birth while drunk, she was arrested after giving birth and is facing felony child neglect charges... she claims she drank a case a week, so she was probably drunk during the conception as well (which would explain why she "didn't know" she was pregnant)...